September 11, 2001 is a day that will forever be burned in my brain. It was a day filled with unbelievable pain and hurt for something that I felt should have no effect on me personally. There was no known reason for my being shaken to my very core.

I have always felt that my calling in life was to write and to help others. I could do neither. I felt devastated to the point that nothing could get me past the severe writer's block that I faced on a daily basis. As a writer, this only added to my torture.

I felt totally helpless. There was such a great need and here I was miles away, paralyzed by depression and fear that everything I had thought was my life's purpose was gone forever. I felt that I was not living up to the example that my grandmother had left me.

My grandmother never had money or a fancy home. She had to rely on family, friends, and neighbors to take her where she needed to go. However, if you needed her, she was always there for you. She always did whatever needed to be done to help others. I was doing nothing.

I have struggled with this feeling of worthlessness for the past year. Through my sister's battle with another round of cancer and my financial problems that never seemed to get better, I felt like I was not good enough to get past the trouble and help anyone. If I couldn't help myself, how on earth could I ever help someone else? I felt I was backed into a corner and I had to do something. I just simply did not know what to do.

About the same time, a dear friend of mine expressed that she was needing help making baby blankets to fill the requests from her website, One Young Parent . So I got out my crochet needle and I started to help. I began to feel a bit better, but still had quite a long way to go.

I started looking around for other ways that I could use my crocheting to help others. I found an online group called Online Angels. They are a group of individuals that make 6-inch squares that they send to the group's leader who with her mom's help transforms them into wonderful blankets of love. They include several other items in each box sent but I focused on making squares. My first shipment to them was for 200 squares. Those squares helped chip away a little more at my sense of helplessness, but it still wasn't quite enough.

My crochet needle got a bit more of a workout making hat and scarf sets for a project of a group of writers that were making hats, scarves, and mittens for fellow list mates that were having financial hardships. Thanks to the generous help of a fellow momwriter for helping provide materials, I have crocheted 11 hat and scarf sets for this group.

Over the past few months, I have spent countless hours crocheting many skeins of thread into items needed for these three projects. I still felt that I wasn't giving enough. I still felt that I should do more although I knew I had no funds to buy more thread or to ship all the items that I have already finished.

Then last night, I watched a special on how Canadians helped last year during the days following the tragedy of September 11. Tears rolled down my face as I saw the friendships that were born out of that time of need. These people did what they did simply because they learned of the need.

I started this website years ago as a method of both helping others and providing a way for to tell others about the needs that still need to be met. Over the past year, the writer's block and depression took me down a wrong path and I lost my focus. This website went lacking. I spent many hours crocheting and searching for any way possible to help others while dealing with the fact that I didn't have the funds to do what I felt needed to be done. It took all that to guide me to find my way back to doing what I had set out to do.

It took all that to get me past my hurt, anger, and helplessness to the point that I actually had the desire to write again. It took all that to make me realize that I don't have to do it all. I just have to do what I am capable of doing. I may not have the funds to buy thread to make enough blankets, squares, or hat and scarf sets for everyone I feel the need to make them for, but I can let others know about the projects. With others help, the need will be met.

Knowledge is the key to overcoming obstacles. One person can do a lot, but together we can do a lot more. We may not be able to provide the time, work, or money that is required to fulfill a need, but we can share that information with others. If we all work together, eventually, that need may find a way of being met. If we work together, we will discover that we don't have to feel helpless, out of control, or like we are letting down the memory of those that inspired us. We can feel loved, needed, and wrapped in the warmth of friendship found by helping others. Although we may be extending our hand to those in need, we are gaining as much as we are giving.